datingadvice

So you actually like her… Now what?!?

August 19, 2011 by Mayson

I get a lot of emails on a daily basis and since I respond to every one I notice themes that develop.

Lately many of these emails have been inquiring about how to take it to the next level with a girl. It seems like a lot of people are confused about how to build a relationship with a girl that they actually like.

The following are 5 tips I use in every relationship I get into. Understand that when I say relationship it doesn’t necessarily mean a monogamous one either. Any time you consistently see a person you are in a form of a relationship so keep that in mind and follow these 5 tips.

1)Convey your expectations to one another from the get go.

If you are not up front and tell the other person what you want you will NEVER get it. We assume that people read our minds, actions or thoughts when we start to hang out but the truth is no one can ever know what you are thinking, it is your responsibility to convey that. If you don’t, you are setting up for a major issue.

2) Be Honest and Up Front about EVERYTHING (Even if you are afraid you are going to lose her it is MUCH better to lose her before deeper feelings begin rather than her finding out you lied and break both your hearts.) Feelings deepen as more time is spent with each other. You have to be honest with everything.

3)Learn to communicate.

A friend once said to me that true communication consisted of US, ME or YOU. He is right on the money with this statement and is the sub context of any actually communication.

4) Shut off the Game don’t shut of the Charm.

People will lose site that in this phase of the relationship and forget that relationships are MANAGED NOT CURED. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you have an excuse to let yourself go and be a lazy slob. You won her over with your charm, since of adventure and wit, don’t change that.

5) Don’t shut off your social skills.

Be social, go out, make more friends and have a life that is not just her but both of you having a life together. One of the quickest ways to kill your relationship is to shut down and not go out ever but often times that is exactly that people do. When you alienate your friends you do your relationship, your friendships and yourself a disservice.


I hope you got some value out of this post. As always I try to be very active in the Seddit Community so feel free to PM or Email me anytime. Mayson@nsscoaching.com

So you actually like her… Now what?!?
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Introducing The New Coach….

July 1, 2011 by Mayson



New Social Systems is growing and so I have decided to hire on some help. When I hire a coach it is a process that I don’t take lightly. Ever sense I founded this company I wanted to build relationships and NOT just clients. Ask our students about the quality and value we give each person we work with. I have searched for someone like Jeremy for a long time and I asked him to write a bit about himself as an introduction to you guys. Without further ado, here is NSS’s newest coach, Jeremy!


My Succes Story or How to Make Lasting Positive Change in Your Life With a Minimal Expenditure of Time and Effort

by Jeremy Taylor

The lowest points of your life are always the most important. People in Alcoholics Anonymous always talk about how alcoholics need to hit “rock bottom” before they are finally ready to make a change. I’ve hit rock bottom several times in my life, first when I was more than sixty pounds overweight, and second was after a major divorce. The result of both of these situations caused me to make tremendous progress in my life. Without these low points, I would not be here sharing my story:

I grew up in a small town in the southwestern part of the United States. There weren’t a lot of people there, and there weren’t a lot of things going on either. I was born into a large family, I was the second born in a family of seven children. My family didn’t have a lot of money, but all of my needs were met. Still, I remember being made fun of at school for not having the best clothes or the coolest stuff. I think this was the start of my downward spiral because I believed what my peers told me. I believed that I was not good enough, because I didn’t have the same things they did.

The ridicule I experienced at school, combined with the anxiety of adolescence caused me to overeat. As I entered puberty I began to gain more and more weight, peaking at about 265 pounds at my full measure of 6’3”. This was a terrible combination because I was now the fat kid as well as the poor kid. This wreaked havoc on my self-esteem and self-confidence and as a result, I couldn’t work up the courage to talk to girls at my school, so I never dated all through high school. Instead, I studied hard, got good grades, and went on to college.

When I started my first year at college I came to the realization that I was in control of my life. I was sick and tired of being overweight and I wanted a girlfriend or at least a few hookups here and there.I made the decision in that moment that I would get in shape no matter what it took. This was one of the big moments in my life. Once you really make that decision to change, nothing can stop you.

So I did what any studious nerd would do and looked for information online on how to lose weight and get in shape. I also took a few weightlifting classes at my school. And I got results! I went from weighing 265 and being weak and out of shape to about weighing 215 and being strong and muscular.

I didn’t know it then, but I discovered the magic formula of success that ANYONE can use to improve any area of their lives:

j2 200x300 Introducing The New Coach....Desire àDecision àKnowledge à Action à Success

The desire comes first, it’s often something like “I want a girlfriend” or “I want to be lean and healthy”. Sometimes it’s recognizing what you don’t want: “I don’t want to be fat” or “I don’t want to be alone”. Both ways of thinking eventually lead to the next step: the decision to change. This is the most important step. If you do not make that decision to get what you want no matter what, then you will not put in the effort that it will take to actually make the change for good.

Knowledge Allows You to Benefit From Those Who Have Gone Before You

The third step is to find out how to get what you want. This step is not as important as the first two, but can really help shorten the time that it will take you to actually make the change. Knowledge allows you to benefit from those who have gone before you. It allows you to do the right things first while minimizing the mistakes you make. The tricky thing about knowledge though, is that it is sometimes unreliable. Not everyone has your best interest at heart, some people will sell “how to” books that do not work simply because they know they can get away with it. To avoid getting bad information, you have to learn from many different people.

This is the reason we decided to publish NSS Weekly, to give you access to the best information out there from a variety of experts on the subject. When you learn from different people who are teaching you how to get the same results, you eventually start to see a common thread amongst the various curriculums. Once you discover this common thread, then you can personalize it and make it your own.

When You Make the Decision to Change, Taking Action is Not a Problem

Action comes next. All the knowledge in the world will not benefit you if you don’t take action. The good news, however, is that if you’ve truly made the decision to change, action is often not a problem. When I decided to lose weight and get in shape, I immediately started going to the gym and eating healthier food and less off it. Later, when I decided to improve my interactions with women, I started going out and meeting women on a regular basis, implementing the various ideas that I had learned.

The Quickest Way from Point A to Point B

When you follow this formula, you get results – fast. I know I did. When I applied this formula to my health and fitness the pounds just seemed to disappear. This transformation gave me a new sense of confidence; I could now work up the courage to talk to girls. A lot of the women I met liked me too, but I still had no idea of what to do with women, and as a result, I experienced no success. I had the desire, but I had not yet actually made the decision to improve my dating life. Part of the reason why I didn’t make the decision then was because I didn’t know that you could actually learn to interact better with women. Can you believe that? It seems so strange to me now that it didn’t occur to me to seek out information on how to improve my skills with women.

Looking back, knowing what I know now, there were a ton of girls that I met who were practically throwing themselves at me, but I just didn’t know that it was my responsibility to make the transition from friends or acquaintances to lovers.

‘Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost…

The next defining moment of my life happened a few years later, at the age of 21. I was home from school and regularly attending my parent’s church. My dad told me that there was a young woman there who was admiring me from a distance. She worked at a restaurant near my dad’s work and apparently she had told him that she thought I was cute. But my past inadequacies prevented me from talking to this girl. My reasoning was that she was just messing with me or that she wanted to tease me. It didn’t occur to me that she actually wanted to get with me. I had such a low opinion of myself, that I could not possibly fathom that I was actually attractive to women. I had transformed my body, but I had not yet transformed my mind so I continued to ignore the not so subtle hints that I should ask this girl out.

Finally, her dad got sick of her constantly raving and pining over me and basically commanded me to take her out on a date. We connected immediately and were inseparable after that. We had a lot in common and this girl was beautiful to boot. She was 19 years old, about 6’1” in height with a slender body and blonde hair. She had even done some runway modeling in the city where she had previously lived.

The Reckless Decisions of a Love-struck Young Man

I was lovesick at this point. I’d never experienced anything like this before. The relationship progressed way too fast and I asked her to marry me after having only known her for two weeks. This was partially because both of our parents were Mormons and also because it’s actually quite common to see people getting engaged quickly in the Mormon religion. I was also too lovesick to stop and consider what I was getting myself into. The emotions I was experiencing were overwhelming. It was the first time I had experienced romantic love.

We were married a short time later, and moved in together to finish up our University education. I quickly learned that there were aspects of this woman that were not apparent in our initial interactions. Many of these aspects were unacceptable to me, but I put up with them anyway because we were married and I didn’t know what else to do. I had overlooked a lot of warning signs during our courtship and engagement because I was so desperate for female companionship.

The Devastating Divorce

Fast forward about two and half years of not so blissful marriage and my wife tells me that she wants to part ways. I was devastated, even though deep down I knew it was the right thing to do. Still, it was me who was rejected and it sent me on an emotional roller coaster. I decided during this time that this would never happen to me again, and that I would get this part of my life handled, once and for all.

j1 Introducing The New Coach....Like anyone does after a relationship ends, I wanted to get laid to validate my attractiveness. My initial efforts were futile, because I still had no idea what I was doing, but this time was different. I had hit rock bottom and as a result, I made the decision to change. My past results were no longer acceptable to me. I never again wanted to experience loneliness and rejection. I wanted to get this part of my life handled so that I would never have to worry about it again. So once again, I followed my magic formula.

One Book Changed My Entire Life

I started looking for information online and eventually stumbled upon a book that changed my entire life. Within a month of reading that one book and going out and meeting people, I was able to seduce a woman the same day I had met her. The most interesting part about this was that when I met her she was with a guy that she was dating at the time and she ditched him to go hang out with me.

Anything is Possible

I was ecstatic at my new discovery. I couldn’t believe how easy it really was. I always thought that being attractive to women was either something you had or you didn’t have. Making that transition was a defining moment of my life. Because I had done something that I had previously thought impossible I felt like anything was possible.

I learned more, and got better and better. My friends who had known me for years were amazed. I told them that I felt like a completely different person, to which my friends replied that I was actually the same except I was now hooking up with beautiful women.

A Request From a Friend

My friend Eddie noticed my sudden change of social life and asked if I could teach him to do the same thing. I didn’t want to at first, partially because I didn’t want to deal with the extra competition, and also because I was having too much fun to stop share what I knew. After much begging and pleading from Eddie I finally agreed to help him improve. It wasn’t easy at first; he had a lot of bad habits just like I did when I first started out. But sure enough, in less time than I had initially thought, he was having some really great interactions with attractive women. It felt really good to help my friend improve his life.

I realized in that moment, that this was my calling. I love sharing knowledge and helping people improve their lives. That’s why I decided to join up with New Social Systems as editor-in-chief for NSS Weekly. As editor-in-chief my purpose is to provide you with the best information available to help you improve your social life and success with women. I am committed to your success, but that is not enough. You too must also commit to your success. It is my promise to you that if you decide now to change and follow the formula for success that you will make sweeping positive changes in your life.




Introducing The New Coach….
thinker

The Mind of Mayson: My Book

June 27, 2011 by Mayson



I have been working for the past year on a book that I hope to have released by the end of this year. Write has always been a passion of mine and today I wanted to share one small clip of the book that I am pouring my heart and soul into. You might think why right a book when it is so common in the dating industry to write e-books on how to get girls. This book is NOT a book to get girls, this is a book for the people who want to build a lifestyle of abundance, build real lasting confidence, dating beautiful women and actually change their lives. The book is my life and how I got to where I am today. I talk about my failures and my successes in an easy to apply lifestyle setting.  Here is an excerpt:

The night was warm as we cruised the open road in search of our next adventure. By my side was a girl who was the picture of perfection. Her every curve chiseled into perfection by god himself. She was pursued by many men but that night she sat cross legged in the seat of my old teal Saturn with a smile plastered across her face. My smile was obvious as the day’s events replayed in my mind. I broke the silence with a question,

“When did you know that you liked me?”

The smile became even bigger as emotions overtook her.

“I knew from the moment you walked up to me.”

She continued to tell me about the way I walked up to her with a sense of confidence and strength. I was poised and clam with a sense of adventure and fun. I smirked and thought back to the times when I would be so shy and awkward around women. I thought about the years of rejection I faced and the countless women I approached and failed with. This moment was vindication. This moment made all the failures seem trivial because the girl that sat beside me was attracted to me and I was attracted to her.

Attraction is essentially something that draws one object to another. In terms of dating, attraction has been confused, distorted and flat out misunderstood time and time again. When a person thinks of attraction they typically think of it in the physical form. This is typical because of the great lie we are taught that physical looks are all that matter. Behavior tells us a much different story however.

I hope this book inspires and motivates people to changing their own lives as well. I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to write this and I am going to be giving away copies of the book as well. If you are interested get involved with our email magazine, its FREE and you can sign up here

All the best,

Mayson

The Mind of Mayson: My Book
girkl

Why Assumptions Can Cost You The Girl

June 13, 2011 by Mayson



Attraction is an algorithm based on many factors that we control but from time to time there are independent variables that we don’t control.

When I speak of attraction what are the definitions that come to mind? Do you think of someone’s physical appearance? Perhaps you think of something that catches your attention or stands out.


Attraction in terms of dating has a plethora of definitions, ideas and subsequently methods associated with it. To assimilate the methodologies one must first have an understand of its purpose. In its simplest form attraction is the mechanism that draws one object to another. In the dating scene it’s been studied, examined and replicated time and time again. Too much attraction and you risk losing the interest of your potential partner because no one wants to try to obtain something that is too far out of your reach. Too little attraction and you devalue yourself. To understand the right amount of attraction you need, you must be able to understand the other person’s true value.

Since attraction is an exchange of values you must determine the true value of your partner or you will miscalibrate your perceived value of the person. Let’s break down the concepts that I have laid out in the previous sentence.

Perceived Value is the amount of value that you place on someone based on your own perception of their qualities. For instance, an average looking guy might see a girl who is all dressed up across the bar. Based on her looks he assigns a value to her. He rates her based on a scale of 1-10, 10 being perfection. Let’s say the man in question rates her at a 9. He is overcome by her beauty and grace so he rates her higher than he would in different circumstances. The man also has a value he places on himself. This value is based on his own experiences, insecurities and self worth. This is known as True Value. The man calculates his True Value verses the Perceived Value of the woman. He realizes that his value is lower than that of the woman’s and as he approaches her and begins a conversation trying to make up the value differential by “acting” differently.

The girkl Why Assumptions Can Cost You The Girlcommon mistake that people make is they don’t find out a person’s True Value. They see someone and based on a two second glimpse they formulate opinions, ideas and misconceptions that often times are wrong. This destructive assumptions clouds the judgment of individuals all the time and causes them to assign to little or too much value to a person based on a small amount of information.

This Perceived Value is so destructive because we don’t know the True Value of the person in question. Imagine she is physically beautiful but after years of sexual abuse by previous partners she has devalued her appearance and self worth. You may see her and think she is a 9 but her True Value based on her own experiences has her believing she is a 4. If the guy didn’t find out her True Value and went off of his Perceived Value he would try to be too attractive in order to bridge the “assumed” gap between them. This overvaluing would cause her to withdraw from the interaction.

The solution to this perception vs. reality value match is to view everyone as equal. Granted you are biologically and conditionally programmed to find certain people more attractive than others but you control your perception of value. Just because someone is physically attractive doesn’t mean their value is higher than anyone else. You cannot find a person’s True Value until you engage in conversation with them. You must reveal their True Value not decide beforehand.



Why Assumptions Can Cost You The Girl
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The Ugly Truth…& News!

June 7, 2011 by Mayson



The people who frequent the blog know that I (Mayson) have been a busy guy. I have been working with the Seddit community on a weekly podcast, I was featured on a Q&A session with the community and I have been finishing up my first book!

I have been writing a book for sometime now and I am in the final stages of making it a reality. I am really excited to share it with you and believe me I poured my heart and soul into this thing!


So today listen to the new Ugly Truth Podcast! It’s an interview with my good friend Mark Manson from Practical Pickup

http://theuglypodcast.blogspot.com/


Stay tuned cause BIG things are on there way icon smile The Ugly Truth...& News! I have surprises for you guys!

The Ugly Truth…& News!
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